It's not you, It's me

  

I was looking for companionship when I found love,

There were several others, but you were ahead of the curve.

 

So many were loud and craving attention,

And then, there were you, quietly purring in a corner, little shy and full of aggression.

 

I remember the first time we went out, I smiled, I smiled, and I smiled,

Your voluptuous curves, smooth skin, and soul so wild.

 

5 years, my love, 5 years we were together for,

You never left my side and were there whenever called for.

 

You wanted to look pretty, and I took care of it,

Spas, shoes, and perfumes, it was quite a bit.

 

You met my friends and family and everyone liked you,

We loved each other more and together we grew.

 

Holidays, festivals, to the doctors and hospitals. Sharing and being together in this adventure, life.

 

Thank you for everything that you have given me. Your power, your beauty, your time,

I guess, now I must move on and call someone else mine.

 

Her name is “7”, I am sure you two have met.

She is a country girl. Little rough, little loud and you hate her, I bet.

 

You were a city girl after all. Pretty, nimble, and fast,

I never gave you a name, but I loved you with all my heart.

 

Goodbye to you, my love. My feisty V6, 200kw, limited addition, pearl white car. I cried while handing over your key.

I want you to know, It’s not you, it’s me…

Between Light & Dark

Confessions of a broken heart
One that's been ripped apart
What sins have I committed here?
That take away all that's dear
Looking into the mirror, I see
A shadow of who I long to be
Dreaming of sunlight on my face
I hide myself in silent disgrace
Tempting fate into my hands
Falling to such harsh demands
Everyday another painful turn
All the anguish inside does burn
The blood washes out the pain
Silently like dripping rain
Tears of confession can't appease
I've fallen down upon my knees
No more can I abstain from this
Should I allow the blade another kiss?
Into the darkness I fall further down
Deeper still my heart is bound
Inside me the weakness has taken hold
Shivering I feel so very cold
I long to fight to break free
But I sit here silently
Fading between light and dark
Not believing I'll find that spark
I close my eyes to give in
Losing the battle within

But someone heard my tattered cries
They're trying to open my eyes
Filled with sadness too
Still trying to break through
Telling me not to give up tonight
Pleading with me to win the fight
Arms around me making me stop
Grabbing for the blades top
Refusing to let me just give in
Helping me fight the battle within
Keeping me in the here and now
Holding me here somehow
Defiant against the weakened state
Helping the pain abate
Breaking the hold of the darkness inside
Allowing me to turn the tide

I fought the battle and I have won
Not by myself but it was done
So I give thanks to those who do care
For being with me, for being there
The confusion is in my blood still
But I've started to regain my will
And hopefully with time it will heal
Allowing me to keep my end of the deal.

About to sleep,
Raindrops falling on the window pane.
Stupid was I or the year to blame.
Spoken crap to you and suffered too, I guess!
“Fuck You” said life to me, left me in a mess.
Here! Given another chance “wondering” is what I am.
Please bring life back to me or you have another plan?
I understand if you have ‘choices’ in the ‘world’
But for me you are both, my sweet girl!
__________________________________________________________________________________
Alone I am but not really, talking to myself quite clearly.
Hating the solitude but for the good, not helping the motherfucking mood.
Lonely it is but know it will flow; soon enough it will glow,
Like a shining meadow, LIFE will come and say “Hello”.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Stranger in a strange land,
No friends, few fragments of sand.
Built a castle with the same,
‘Broken’ whom to blame?
Dead but still walking!
Finding ways to keep laughing.
People asking for Love and Life,
Can’t find either but still strives.
May be peace is what they require.
Peace alone will stop this hue and cry.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------It wasn’t sarcastic at all, was thanking you for making my life easy,
Woke up! Not anymore dizzy.
Will cruise through as always, sail alone, Sail far!
Peace my friend! Just think of me as a star.
Shining bright from another world, just watching through cloud curls.
Never be touched nor acquired, just looked upon when required.
Never was so happy before, never were things so clear.
Good luck my friend! May you prosper my dear!

......De$peRatE rEmiNdeR......

I’m sitting here counting the times I felt my breath stall out by how many bug bites have littered my arms.

And I remember how in between stolen kisses you touched my wrist, went very still and told me that the pulse beneath your fingers was the rhythm of the different drum that you danced to. That the way my eyes sparked was the light you would use to guide you home.

To me, to me, home to me.

But every tear, every pitter-patter of my swollen heart [not broken, just completely aware of its engorged and painful existence] is a desperate reminder than you are now on the other side of the country and i, i, i am still right here.

So I will just sit in the echo of your raspy twang, draw your smile on the bottom of napkins and count the bug bites until you come home.

Until I am home. Until we are together.

Anchored!!!

It was a whole new begining,

leave the past behind and search for a lining.

came close to achieve the said,

met the afraid instead.

worse than the previous fuck-up,

told myself "act cool and shut-up".

lot of twists and turns on the way,

coping with everything,

in the end becoming prey.

tired of being a loose log,

neither storm comes nor does it clog.

overflowing since birth

no-where there's shortage of tears on earth.

Anchored!!! it was calm for a while,

then another wave came with a smile,

it's been the same all this while..............

$uRRe@L De$pEr@tI0N

I write in my diary about the only person
I have ever loved
Though the pain in my heart seems to worsen

You’re the only one I’ve ever known
Now that I think of it
You are the only one I have ever shown

Any form of longing or caring for
I think of when we kiss
Oh I just want more

But for some reason my lips get so cold
That’s alright, it makes no difference
I am here growing old

With you and that is it
I get in my finest clothes though it is all I have
As always it is a perfect fit

I make my way to the glass where you are kept
I have grown used to your hard chamber
A long time it has sense I last wept

But you were always there for me
You make the same moves, same expressions, same speech
This is how it must always be

I slowly sigh; my heart is at a new elevation
You smile and I smile
In our surreal desperation

Melting Away My Loneliness

Standing, feet warm in this sand
Beach baring such crystal clear within the depths.
Perhaps these are all my tears I have wept.
The chill which was is no longer in the air.
With you, a caring warmth is shared.

Sitting, cuddled in a rocking chair.
Nothing was welcoming me only unruly darkness.
Perhaps, was the case of an unrelenting depression.
A simple message was sent,
A smile swept on by that lasted to night's end.

Walking, cursing the cold snow.
This weather left me numb and alone
Perhaps was my stupidity for venturing out on my own
There you were in an empty street
You welcomed me to the passenger seat

All these times, melting away my loneliness
All these times, easing my sadness
All these times, allowing me to feel
To me, someone of such calibre is so surreal