Have you ever felt that you have so much to tell but when given a chance, you cannot???
The same is happening with me for a long time now and sometimes when I dig down deep I feel hollow. Yes, it’s full but with echo of the same voice. I wrote yesterday that I am happy with my loneliness and solitude but these companions of mine are like leeches or vampires, they hang on to you and suck your life out. Although, they (my companions) are very loyal but lethal at the same time. They eat up your thoughts, your emotions and the worse is that you get used to it, even start cherishing it.
People ask me to come over to their places or want me come with them for shopping, hanging out, this is what friends do, don’t they??? But now I start to have second thoughts, one to go with them and the other to be with myself all alone and more often than not I start preferring the later.
Life has many shades and when you are occupied with something, you kind of ignore the colors, although you are enjoying the moment but can’t see the meaning or purpose of that moment you are in. people say life is too short to be taken seriously. I believed in the saying and believe you me, I was a carefree lad but now I have totally different opinion. Those who believe in this saying, regret in the future for doing the same. I believe, life is too short, try and make it meaningful! Make sense of it! Create something out of it! Even a dog lives till it’s possible and then dies. The dog doesn’t care how tomorrow’s going to be, then what is the difference between you and that dog you see everyday on the streets. Heaven made us human for some reason. Explore your soul. Contribute something to the world, the society and the humanity.
I think you can tell how much the loneliness of mine has changed me and my thoughts. I am not saying that it is always good. People who can’t take the pressure will crumble in the middle but once you conquer the stage of crumbling down and turning to the strangers for friendship, you’ll be ready for the evolution of yourself.
As the phoenix rise from its own ashes, you will be re-incarnated and will be above the distractions of the world. You can finally be able to think with a clean and clear mind, with new and rejuvenated soul. It will be the day when you will be able to forgive everybody who did wrong to you. And then, understand the meaning of LIFE.
You will enjoy the same loneliness which scared you the most, will no longer be afraid of anything unseen. Then you will understand why we all are silent when born and dead…
Thursday, September 25, 2008
ETERNITY AND NIRVANA IS WITHIN YOU
(written earlier)
It’s been a long time since I’ve been somebody whom I can consider as true friend. At times I feel is it only me who is lonely??? So lonely that I don’t have anybody with whom I can talk to. It’s been nearly one and a half years since I stopped talking to my only friend left and to tell the truth, I feel awful now when I look back at it.
I regret the moments when I switched off my phone to avoid calls but now I feel more miserable when I finally found out that there’s nobody in this world left who’ll disturb me.
I am an emotionally independent person or should I say, I am evolved over the years as a new “me”, who is fencing his emotions because there is nobody to share it with. I’ve been lying to the world by saying I have tons of friends who’ll lay their lives for me on the stoke of my finger but the truth is I am lonely not “alone” but lonely. Lonely as a milestone, every passerby watch it and they know its there but at the end of the day, the milestone is there to stay, “lonely”.
This is the only reason why I turned towards writing my thoughts down on paper or online and by doing this I’m helping myself, saving my inner self from exploding by emotional overload. Now when I meet somebody they find me boring because I don’t speak much and I know silence is not a good thing in any relationship. But look at the irony of my life, I am used to be silent because it’s my only companion and others are friends of “words”, “speech” or I would say “talking”, which I have long forgotten.
When I am happy I celebrate it with myself and yes, the page on which I write and even when I am sad and devastated the companions remain the same. So, over the years I became more predictable than ever before. Whatever the situation, my reaction remain pretty much the same. Nothing affects me. And somehow I have learnt to live with silence, loneliness, solitude whatever you may like to call it, it’s my best friend for now and I think will remain.
Initially it was hard to adjust with but now I find it merrier than ever before. It helped me to spend more time with myself and do some “soul searching” and I believe it’s because of this I can say that I am a better and more noble person than most of the people in our society.
Dilemma, irony whatever my life is going through, I am happy with it. I am not confused anymore, when it comes to “how to live my life”, with or without friends… now my only concern is my carrier, the day I’m able to visualize it, there will be clear picture and I will be the happiest man on the face of this planet and yes, I still will be without friends but my companion will be there for me to celebrate it.
It made me good and kind human and it made me somewhat of a writer, a poet and I know it will take me somewhere none of us have ever been to.
War comes and goes but the soldier stay put, eternity is what we all are searching for. And when you’ll find eternity you will be alone, lonely yet happy with yourself. At that moment I will be one step ahead of the rest of the world because I am already happy with myself and somebody has rightly said “eternity and nirvana is within you”.
It’s been a long time since I’ve been somebody whom I can consider as true friend. At times I feel is it only me who is lonely??? So lonely that I don’t have anybody with whom I can talk to. It’s been nearly one and a half years since I stopped talking to my only friend left and to tell the truth, I feel awful now when I look back at it.
I regret the moments when I switched off my phone to avoid calls but now I feel more miserable when I finally found out that there’s nobody in this world left who’ll disturb me.
I am an emotionally independent person or should I say, I am evolved over the years as a new “me”, who is fencing his emotions because there is nobody to share it with. I’ve been lying to the world by saying I have tons of friends who’ll lay their lives for me on the stoke of my finger but the truth is I am lonely not “alone” but lonely. Lonely as a milestone, every passerby watch it and they know its there but at the end of the day, the milestone is there to stay, “lonely”.
This is the only reason why I turned towards writing my thoughts down on paper or online and by doing this I’m helping myself, saving my inner self from exploding by emotional overload. Now when I meet somebody they find me boring because I don’t speak much and I know silence is not a good thing in any relationship. But look at the irony of my life, I am used to be silent because it’s my only companion and others are friends of “words”, “speech” or I would say “talking”, which I have long forgotten.
When I am happy I celebrate it with myself and yes, the page on which I write and even when I am sad and devastated the companions remain the same. So, over the years I became more predictable than ever before. Whatever the situation, my reaction remain pretty much the same. Nothing affects me. And somehow I have learnt to live with silence, loneliness, solitude whatever you may like to call it, it’s my best friend for now and I think will remain.
Initially it was hard to adjust with but now I find it merrier than ever before. It helped me to spend more time with myself and do some “soul searching” and I believe it’s because of this I can say that I am a better and more noble person than most of the people in our society.
Dilemma, irony whatever my life is going through, I am happy with it. I am not confused anymore, when it comes to “how to live my life”, with or without friends… now my only concern is my carrier, the day I’m able to visualize it, there will be clear picture and I will be the happiest man on the face of this planet and yes, I still will be without friends but my companion will be there for me to celebrate it.
It made me good and kind human and it made me somewhat of a writer, a poet and I know it will take me somewhere none of us have ever been to.
War comes and goes but the soldier stay put, eternity is what we all are searching for. And when you’ll find eternity you will be alone, lonely yet happy with yourself. At that moment I will be one step ahead of the rest of the world because I am already happy with myself and somebody has rightly said “eternity and nirvana is within you”.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
IF I CAN
*IF I CAN*
If I can throw a single ray of light
Across the darkened pathway of another;
If I can aid some soul to clearer sight
Light and duty & thus bless my brother;
If I can wipe from any human cheek a tear
I shall not have, then, lived in vain while here.
If I can guide some erring to truth,
Inspire within the soul of a rosy plant
A sense of light, a love of truth and beauty;
If I can teach one man that God & Heaven are near
I shall not have, then, lived in vain while here;
If from my mind I can banish doubt & fear
And keep my life attuned to truth, love & kindness;
If I can scatter light & hope & cheer
And help & remove the curse of mental blindness;
If I can make joy more, more hope, less pain
I shall not have, then, lived in vain while here.
If by life’s roadside I can plant a tree
Beneath whose shade some wearied head may rest,
Though I may never share its shade or see
Its beauty I shall yet be truly blessed,
Though no one knows my name……!!!
If I can throw a single ray of light
Across the darkened pathway of another;
If I can aid some soul to clearer sight
Light and duty & thus bless my brother;
If I can wipe from any human cheek a tear
I shall not have, then, lived in vain while here.
If I can guide some erring to truth,
Inspire within the soul of a rosy plant
A sense of light, a love of truth and beauty;
If I can teach one man that God & Heaven are near
I shall not have, then, lived in vain while here;
If from my mind I can banish doubt & fear
And keep my life attuned to truth, love & kindness;
If I can scatter light & hope & cheer
And help & remove the curse of mental blindness;
If I can make joy more, more hope, less pain
I shall not have, then, lived in vain while here.
If by life’s roadside I can plant a tree
Beneath whose shade some wearied head may rest,
Though I may never share its shade or see
Its beauty I shall yet be truly blessed,
Though no one knows my name……!!!
Monday, September 22, 2008
DEJAVU
DOES IT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU THAT YOU COME ACROSS SOMEONE WHO IS MENTALLY SO SIMILAR TO YOU?????
I met one couple of days earlier. Its a girl, she is my classmate, north indian, energetic, bubbly. These are the traits that put drapes over my eyes initially. I looked at her as any other girl but as soon as we started talking, apart from the regular "in class" thing, i realized that she is not in the crowd but "with the crowd".
As i am still in the phase of recovery from the past emotional mishaps, i was looking for somebody to talk to and she served as a perfect sponge for me, soaking up everything that i was spilling.
Only after a few conversations over the phone she made me feel like i know her since eternity. I feel so relieved after talking to her. She takes away all my worries and help me to get a good nights' sleep. Never in my life, so far, i revealed so much to a person whom i know only for couple of weeks.
Though she seems or pretends to be very lively and energetic and bubbly, somewhere deep down inside her i can sense insecurity, confusion and dilemma. She never spoke about it but yes, i can tell that she is as mentally tangled as i am. I read her blogs yesterday and i felt sad on one hand but happy on the other. Sad because i always prayed to the almighty to never give anybody a life as FUCKED up as mine. Happy because its nice to talk and being around people whom you can connect with.
I've been thinking that is it correct to tell your shity stories to somebody who already have so much to worry about??? I'm not helping her in anyway to overcome her stress by putting the burden of my traumatic life over her shoulders.
She is a very nice human being and i want her to succeed in everything that she is dreaming of.
I met one couple of days earlier. Its a girl, she is my classmate, north indian, energetic, bubbly. These are the traits that put drapes over my eyes initially. I looked at her as any other girl but as soon as we started talking, apart from the regular "in class" thing, i realized that she is not in the crowd but "with the crowd".
As i am still in the phase of recovery from the past emotional mishaps, i was looking for somebody to talk to and she served as a perfect sponge for me, soaking up everything that i was spilling.
Only after a few conversations over the phone she made me feel like i know her since eternity. I feel so relieved after talking to her. She takes away all my worries and help me to get a good nights' sleep. Never in my life, so far, i revealed so much to a person whom i know only for couple of weeks.
Though she seems or pretends to be very lively and energetic and bubbly, somewhere deep down inside her i can sense insecurity, confusion and dilemma. She never spoke about it but yes, i can tell that she is as mentally tangled as i am. I read her blogs yesterday and i felt sad on one hand but happy on the other. Sad because i always prayed to the almighty to never give anybody a life as FUCKED up as mine. Happy because its nice to talk and being around people whom you can connect with.
I've been thinking that is it correct to tell your shity stories to somebody who already have so much to worry about??? I'm not helping her in anyway to overcome her stress by putting the burden of my traumatic life over her shoulders.
She is a very nice human being and i want her to succeed in everything that she is dreaming of.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
TOGETHER FOREVER
**TOGETHER FOREVER**
“Life seems to loose it’s meaning with the loss of your beloved. Memories are all that you have. Pain and sorrow of your soul companion….”
Red roses were her favorites,
Her name was also rose.
And every year her
Husband sent them
Tied with pretty bows.
The year he died, the roses
Were delivered to her door,
The card said, I love you
Like all the years before.
Each year he sent her roses
And the note would always say,
I love you even more this year,
then last year on this day.
My love for you will always grow
With every passing year
She know this was the last time
That the roses would appear.
She thought, he ordered roses in
Advance before this day
Her husband did not know,
That he would pass away.
He always liked to do things early,
Way before the time.
Then, if he got too busy everything
Would work out fine.
She trimmed the stems and placed
Them in a special vase.
Then, she sat the vase beside the
Portrait of his smiling face.
She would sit for hours, in her
Husband’s favorite chair.
While staring at his picture,
And the roses smiling there.
A year went by and it was hard to
Live without her mate.
With loneliness and solitude
That had become her fate.
Then the very hour
As on their anniversary before,
The door bell rang and there
Were roses, sitting by the door.
She brought the roses in shock
Then, went to get the telephone
To call the florist shop
The owner answered, and she
Asked him, if he could explain
Why would someone do this to her,
Causing her such pain.
I know your husband passed
Away more than a year ago,
The owner said I know you’d call,
And you would like to know.
The flowers you received today,
Were paid for in advance.
Your husband always planned
Ahead, he left nothing to chance.
There is standing order
That I have to file down here,
And he has paid, well in advance
You’ll get them every year.
There also is another thing
That I think you should know
He wrote a special little card.
He did this years ago.
Then, should ever I find out that
He’s no longer here.
That’s the card that should be
Sent, to you the following year.
She thanked him and hung up the
Phone, her tears now flowing hard.
Her fingers shaking, as she
Slowly reached to get the card.
Inside the card she saw
That he had written her a note.
Then, as she stared in total
Silence, this is what he wrote…..
Hello my love, I know it’s been
A year since I have been gone,
I hope its hasn’t been so hard
For you to overcome
I know it must be lonely
And the pain is very real
For if it was the other way
I know how I would feel.
The love we shared made
Everything so beautiful in life.
I love you more than words can
say, you were the perfect wife.
You were my friend and lover,
You fulfilled my every need.
I know its only been an year
But please try not to grieve.
I want you to be happy
Even when you shed your tears.
That is why the roses will be
Sent to you for years.
When you get these roses
Think of all the happiness
That we had together,
And how both of us were blessed.
I have always loved you
And I know I always will.
But, my love, you must go on
You have some living still.
Please…try to find happiness
While living out your days
I know it is not easy but I hope
You find some ways.
The roses will come every year
And they will only stop
When your door’s not
Answered, when the
Florist stops to knock.
He will come five times that day,
In case you’ve gone out.
But after his last visit
He will know without a doubt
To take the roses to that place
Where I’ve instructed him.
And place the roses where we
Are, together once again…
“Life seems to loose it’s meaning with the loss of your beloved. Memories are all that you have. Pain and sorrow of your soul companion….”
Red roses were her favorites,
Her name was also rose.
And every year her
Husband sent them
Tied with pretty bows.
The year he died, the roses
Were delivered to her door,
The card said, I love you
Like all the years before.
Each year he sent her roses
And the note would always say,
I love you even more this year,
then last year on this day.
My love for you will always grow
With every passing year
She know this was the last time
That the roses would appear.
She thought, he ordered roses in
Advance before this day
Her husband did not know,
That he would pass away.
He always liked to do things early,
Way before the time.
Then, if he got too busy everything
Would work out fine.
She trimmed the stems and placed
Them in a special vase.
Then, she sat the vase beside the
Portrait of his smiling face.
She would sit for hours, in her
Husband’s favorite chair.
While staring at his picture,
And the roses smiling there.
A year went by and it was hard to
Live without her mate.
With loneliness and solitude
That had become her fate.
Then the very hour
As on their anniversary before,
The door bell rang and there
Were roses, sitting by the door.
She brought the roses in shock
Then, went to get the telephone
To call the florist shop
The owner answered, and she
Asked him, if he could explain
Why would someone do this to her,
Causing her such pain.
I know your husband passed
Away more than a year ago,
The owner said I know you’d call,
And you would like to know.
The flowers you received today,
Were paid for in advance.
Your husband always planned
Ahead, he left nothing to chance.
There is standing order
That I have to file down here,
And he has paid, well in advance
You’ll get them every year.
There also is another thing
That I think you should know
He wrote a special little card.
He did this years ago.
Then, should ever I find out that
He’s no longer here.
That’s the card that should be
Sent, to you the following year.
She thanked him and hung up the
Phone, her tears now flowing hard.
Her fingers shaking, as she
Slowly reached to get the card.
Inside the card she saw
That he had written her a note.
Then, as she stared in total
Silence, this is what he wrote…..
Hello my love, I know it’s been
A year since I have been gone,
I hope its hasn’t been so hard
For you to overcome
I know it must be lonely
And the pain is very real
For if it was the other way
I know how I would feel.
The love we shared made
Everything so beautiful in life.
I love you more than words can
say, you were the perfect wife.
You were my friend and lover,
You fulfilled my every need.
I know its only been an year
But please try not to grieve.
I want you to be happy
Even when you shed your tears.
That is why the roses will be
Sent to you for years.
When you get these roses
Think of all the happiness
That we had together,
And how both of us were blessed.
I have always loved you
And I know I always will.
But, my love, you must go on
You have some living still.
Please…try to find happiness
While living out your days
I know it is not easy but I hope
You find some ways.
The roses will come every year
And they will only stop
When your door’s not
Answered, when the
Florist stops to knock.
He will come five times that day,
In case you’ve gone out.
But after his last visit
He will know without a doubt
To take the roses to that place
Where I’ve instructed him.
And place the roses where we
Are, together once again…
SICKNESS
SICKNESS
Sometimes I wonder where am I going to land
And I get the answer “of course below mud and sand”.
I’m scared of being lonely; I want to be with the crowd
Not in the crowd, with the crowd.
Am I too eager or desperate
To escape the reality.
Making up stories and living a lie.
Gasping for truth and someone to call mine.
Running short of friends and the few I had
Made them sick and go mad, at me.
So used to loneliness, I don’t let people around me for long
And even if they want, I tell a story and they’re not yet so strong.
It stuck to me for so long
I don’t know the start and not the end either.
To my family, friends, relatives
I lie, lie and lie. I am a cheater.
But I’m good at it, nobody caught me yet
May be this is the problem.
Then, I’m not supposed to blame!.
Here I start again!, this is another of my sickness
And this is my game.
Sometimes I wonder where am I going to land
And I get the answer “of course below mud and sand”.
I’m scared of being lonely; I want to be with the crowd
Not in the crowd, with the crowd.
Am I too eager or desperate
To escape the reality.
Making up stories and living a lie.
Gasping for truth and someone to call mine.
Running short of friends and the few I had
Made them sick and go mad, at me.
So used to loneliness, I don’t let people around me for long
And even if they want, I tell a story and they’re not yet so strong.
It stuck to me for so long
I don’t know the start and not the end either.
To my family, friends, relatives
I lie, lie and lie. I am a cheater.
But I’m good at it, nobody caught me yet
May be this is the problem.
Then, I’m not supposed to blame!.
Here I start again!, this is another of my sickness
And this is my game.
SHINE
SHINE
I waited till I saw the sun
Please don’t leave me when you become
Star in the sky with brightest shine
Allow me to see yourself and call you mine!
I finally have found someone I admire.
Yes, I know the conditions it requires.
I’m ready to love you alone and no one,
Please don’t leave me when you become
Star in the sky with brightest shine
Allow me to see yourself and call you mine!
I know you have someone you chose
You shut the doors to your heart and rose.
But let me try to give you another key
And if I failed then, let it be.
I’ll be happy enough at least
I tried, expressed myself.
The memories will remain
I’m not alone.
I waited till I saw the sun
Please don’t leave me when you become
Star in the sky with brightest shine
Allow me to see yourself and call you mine!
I finally have found someone I admire.
Yes, I know the conditions it requires.
I’m ready to love you alone and no one,
Please don’t leave me when you become
Star in the sky with brightest shine
Allow me to see yourself and call you mine!
I know you have someone you chose
You shut the doors to your heart and rose.
But let me try to give you another key
And if I failed then, let it be.
I’ll be happy enough at least
I tried, expressed myself.
The memories will remain
I’m not alone.
SHADES OF GRAY
SHADES OF GRAY
Crawling in my head was the thought of yours
I feel that you’re in me and with the force
Of love I kneel in front of you with remorse
In my heart I see: -
It was the biggest mistake of my life
When I left you alone and crying.
I didn’t saw what’s coming
Never even think of it twice.
I doubted your commitment and dignity
Forgot that you love me and will
Keep it going till infinity.
I hated the way you were looking at me
And hated even more the way you were talking to me.
I was confused, what to do and what to say.
Didn’t saw the colours of love
What I really saw were the shades of gray.
Crawling in my head was the thought of yours
I feel that you’re in me and with the force
Of love I kneel in front of you with remorse
In my heart I see: -
My biggest horror was when I saw you dead
Slit both of your wrists and lying in bed.
With tears in your eyes in place of anger instead.
Your last words were “I love you” and then you traded
Your life for my anger and I’ll never forget
Never will forgive myself coz it was my bet.
They took you slowly away from me
In a trolley and I’ll never see,
You again but your stone in the cemetery.
I opened my hand I found the ring
We both once exchanged, darling.
You didn’t gave me the chance to say “sorry”
I have to live with this weight and I’ll carry.
It as a punishment and I’ll never tell,
Anybody that I’m going to hell.
Here I am, standing beside you
And crawling in my head was the thought of yours
I feel that you’re in me and with the force
Of love I kneel in front of you with remorse
In my heart I see.
Crawling in my head was the thought of yours
I feel that you’re in me and with the force
Of love I kneel in front of you with remorse
In my heart I see: -
It was the biggest mistake of my life
When I left you alone and crying.
I didn’t saw what’s coming
Never even think of it twice.
I doubted your commitment and dignity
Forgot that you love me and will
Keep it going till infinity.
I hated the way you were looking at me
And hated even more the way you were talking to me.
I was confused, what to do and what to say.
Didn’t saw the colours of love
What I really saw were the shades of gray.
Crawling in my head was the thought of yours
I feel that you’re in me and with the force
Of love I kneel in front of you with remorse
In my heart I see: -
My biggest horror was when I saw you dead
Slit both of your wrists and lying in bed.
With tears in your eyes in place of anger instead.
Your last words were “I love you” and then you traded
Your life for my anger and I’ll never forget
Never will forgive myself coz it was my bet.
They took you slowly away from me
In a trolley and I’ll never see,
You again but your stone in the cemetery.
I opened my hand I found the ring
We both once exchanged, darling.
You didn’t gave me the chance to say “sorry”
I have to live with this weight and I’ll carry.
It as a punishment and I’ll never tell,
Anybody that I’m going to hell.
Here I am, standing beside you
And crawling in my head was the thought of yours
I feel that you’re in me and with the force
Of love I kneel in front of you with remorse
In my heart I see.
NEW LIFE
NEW LIFE
Fate made us meet and threw us apart
Yet you remain with me, and then we start
All over again, a new life
All over again, my love!
At start I stumbled, fell down and got up
It was hard to accept but I did
Pulled myself together and started to dig.
Let you down underneath and filled up.
Went back home and slept
I woke up and saw you above the table
Wanted to talk but was unable.
Screamed your name, no one answered
What I must do I wondered
I wished I would’ve accompanied you
That way, I would’ve been happy too.
But, then I heard a heavenly cry
I understood why
Don’t worry I’ll take care.
Yes, you remained with me
Only small, an infant
I can see you through her
In her laughter.
Yes, we will start
All over again, a new life
All over again, with my new life.
Fate made us meet and threw us apart
Yet you remain with me, and then we start
All over again, a new life
All over again, my love!
At start I stumbled, fell down and got up
It was hard to accept but I did
Pulled myself together and started to dig.
Let you down underneath and filled up.
Went back home and slept
I woke up and saw you above the table
Wanted to talk but was unable.
Screamed your name, no one answered
What I must do I wondered
I wished I would’ve accompanied you
That way, I would’ve been happy too.
But, then I heard a heavenly cry
I understood why
Don’t worry I’ll take care.
Yes, you remained with me
Only small, an infant
I can see you through her
In her laughter.
Yes, we will start
All over again, a new life
All over again, with my new life.
LIVING IS HARD
*LIVING IS HARD*
As I move away from you, my heart begins to cry.
Now I can’t be with you no matter how hard should I try?
I’m losing you & you are far
I’m earth & you are the star, you left with a scar.
Now it’s your turn to give it back,
I gave you everything but don’t know what it lacks.
Did I asked to much, more than a lot,
I have played all my cards; it’s your shot.
Spending time with one doesn’t mean you love them.
You got to be inside them & they should feel the same.
{It’s one life; you got to do what you should.
Love is a temple, love is higher law.
You asked me to enter & then you made me crawl.}
I can do whatever you ask me to, I’m not lame
I will always love you, no matter how old you become.
But it can’t be done because I’m here,
Writing this song & I don’t know your location.
I set out for you but I’m on the road & got no destination.
And now the light of life is fading away,
I know it’s going to end soon.
I wish I‘d looked for you earlier
In case my eyes are closed I could know who you are.
Now, I have to please myself with the moon.
I’m not weak, I’m not sad, I’m not sick & I’m glad
But I’m confused & I’m aimless. I’m good & selfless.
I’ve given to the world as much as I could & did what I should.
Then, why God? Why? Why are you doing this to me?
You’ve given me a picture that I can’t see.
I’ve done nothing bad,
I want to live out my days well & good, happy & smiling.
But you never let me, it’s sad.
Took me to high hill, full with wood, & can’t stop climbing.
It’s not a complaint. I’m asking you.
Give me an answer if you can.
Don’t leave me on my own this time, & ask to “be a man”.
Living is hard with this weight on my heart,
I have to let it out & never again allow entering my heart.
If you want to take something,
Take away the bad memories, take away my hate
& Fill it with love & trust.
Crying, sobbing & weeping
Now my eyes are dry, no tears left anymore.
I can’t feel anything; I’m numb to the core.
Soul, body, heart
Life, strength, love
Nothing is in its place.
I’m tired, I will not anymore, chase.
Tired of waiting too.
I will live with or without you,
You tied my hands, & bruised my body,
You got me with nothing to win & nothing left to loose.
& I’m giving myself away
Child rising from ashes, happy to see that?
See yourself what you’ve given me, driving me mad.
Driving me mad.
Driving me mad.
ONLY ME.
As I move away from you, my heart begins to cry.
Now I can’t be with you no matter how hard should I try?
I’m losing you & you are far
I’m earth & you are the star, you left with a scar.
Now it’s your turn to give it back,
I gave you everything but don’t know what it lacks.
Did I asked to much, more than a lot,
I have played all my cards; it’s your shot.
Spending time with one doesn’t mean you love them.
You got to be inside them & they should feel the same.
{It’s one life; you got to do what you should.
Love is a temple, love is higher law.
You asked me to enter & then you made me crawl.}
I can do whatever you ask me to, I’m not lame
I will always love you, no matter how old you become.
But it can’t be done because I’m here,
Writing this song & I don’t know your location.
I set out for you but I’m on the road & got no destination.
And now the light of life is fading away,
I know it’s going to end soon.
I wish I‘d looked for you earlier
In case my eyes are closed I could know who you are.
Now, I have to please myself with the moon.
I’m not weak, I’m not sad, I’m not sick & I’m glad
But I’m confused & I’m aimless. I’m good & selfless.
I’ve given to the world as much as I could & did what I should.
Then, why God? Why? Why are you doing this to me?
You’ve given me a picture that I can’t see.
I’ve done nothing bad,
I want to live out my days well & good, happy & smiling.
But you never let me, it’s sad.
Took me to high hill, full with wood, & can’t stop climbing.
It’s not a complaint. I’m asking you.
Give me an answer if you can.
Don’t leave me on my own this time, & ask to “be a man”.
Living is hard with this weight on my heart,
I have to let it out & never again allow entering my heart.
If you want to take something,
Take away the bad memories, take away my hate
& Fill it with love & trust.
Crying, sobbing & weeping
Now my eyes are dry, no tears left anymore.
I can’t feel anything; I’m numb to the core.
Soul, body, heart
Life, strength, love
Nothing is in its place.
I’m tired, I will not anymore, chase.
Tired of waiting too.
I will live with or without you,
You tied my hands, & bruised my body,
You got me with nothing to win & nothing left to loose.
& I’m giving myself away
Child rising from ashes, happy to see that?
See yourself what you’ve given me, driving me mad.
Driving me mad.
Driving me mad.
ONLY ME.
ILLUMINATE
ILLUMINATE
Do you want more, more than you can feel?does it constantly eat away at will?tongue-tied and teasing your very essencemaking it feel beyond the living idealtake more than you can even stealthe divination of the purest inhalationexurbanite moments exult now!crave and pounce on everything surrealwe came as we were, and remainhoping, ever hoping to be morewhat we touched cannot be confusedfor the light is enough for us to sustainresplendence in the art of naturecreating and illustrating the design for lifepicture it, the nirvana in your heartopen souls illuminate the divine aperture.
Do you want more, more than you can feel?does it constantly eat away at will?tongue-tied and teasing your very essencemaking it feel beyond the living idealtake more than you can even stealthe divination of the purest inhalationexurbanite moments exult now!crave and pounce on everything surrealwe came as we were, and remainhoping, ever hoping to be morewhat we touched cannot be confusedfor the light is enough for us to sustainresplendence in the art of naturecreating and illustrating the design for lifepicture it, the nirvana in your heartopen souls illuminate the divine aperture.
BITTER-SWEET SYMPHONY
BITTERSWEET SYMPHONY
Coz it’s a bittersweet symphony that’s life
Telling me that you slave to money then you die.
Now I take you down to the road
I ever had been down.
No perfect reason to live
But you want to wear the crown.
No, you can’t, but I can change, I can change
This lifestyle by my living style.
You just want to be happy
When there are millions of those who cry.
There’s not even enough food to be roasted
But you buy them and then you fry.
Look around with your eyes
And for once try to feel not just watch.
People don’t have walls around them,
Not even thatch.
You’re sitting beside a bonfire
While others can’t think of match.
No, you can’t, but I can change, I can change
This lifestyle by my living style.
It’s a bittersweet symphony, that’s life…
Coz it’s a bittersweet symphony that’s life
Telling me that you slave to money then you die.
Now I take you down to the road
I ever had been down.
No perfect reason to live
But you want to wear the crown.
No, you can’t, but I can change, I can change
This lifestyle by my living style.
You just want to be happy
When there are millions of those who cry.
There’s not even enough food to be roasted
But you buy them and then you fry.
Look around with your eyes
And for once try to feel not just watch.
People don’t have walls around them,
Not even thatch.
You’re sitting beside a bonfire
While others can’t think of match.
No, you can’t, but I can change, I can change
This lifestyle by my living style.
It’s a bittersweet symphony, that’s life…
BAD LUCK
*BAD LUCK*
When life and thought goes hand in hand
And that hand becomes handicapped
Then to cure yourself you hold on tight
Against predators you give a fight
And you have your values and give it your best shot
And the rule changes from DO to DO NOT.
And so I sit here on a rainy day
And my brain just feels like a bale of hay
Through all the jumble they mean or not they say
To be bold in fight have I given me away.
And I feel they should know what I mean
And try to see the way I’ve seen
Because I’m stuck in quicksand, my fight is killing me
And as I drown, hate is filling me.
So I fight, I give up, do you think I’m weak
So many things to take up, the ones I really seek
So its me, just me
And I think the world is large
Because if it ain’t, it wouldn’t be this far.
The idle mind is a devil’s workshop
And its so idle right now, that the devil has stopped
And the devil doesn’t work here any more
There’s no work to do, idle, he was bored
Devil Devil come back again
Be with me also in pain
Make me work, take my brain
I’m too idle, make me insane.
A friend in need is friend indeed
I’m dry, so what, devil my need.
You stuck to me till now, hang on a little longer
I made you strong, your turn, make me stronger.
Run, run I’m deader than you
My blood is black, its redder in you
Funny to see you thin as a wick.
Coz E is me and C is you
If you grow, I grow faster than you
It seems science is just for us
It is so simple they make it such big fun.
SO DON’T RUN!!
When life and thought goes hand in hand
And that hand becomes handicapped
Then to cure yourself you hold on tight
Against predators you give a fight
And you have your values and give it your best shot
And the rule changes from DO to DO NOT.
And so I sit here on a rainy day
And my brain just feels like a bale of hay
Through all the jumble they mean or not they say
To be bold in fight have I given me away.
And I feel they should know what I mean
And try to see the way I’ve seen
Because I’m stuck in quicksand, my fight is killing me
And as I drown, hate is filling me.
So I fight, I give up, do you think I’m weak
So many things to take up, the ones I really seek
So its me, just me
And I think the world is large
Because if it ain’t, it wouldn’t be this far.
The idle mind is a devil’s workshop
And its so idle right now, that the devil has stopped
And the devil doesn’t work here any more
There’s no work to do, idle, he was bored
Devil Devil come back again
Be with me also in pain
Make me work, take my brain
I’m too idle, make me insane.
A friend in need is friend indeed
I’m dry, so what, devil my need.
You stuck to me till now, hang on a little longer
I made you strong, your turn, make me stronger.
Run, run I’m deader than you
My blood is black, its redder in you
Funny to see you thin as a wick.
Coz E is me and C is you
If you grow, I grow faster than you
It seems science is just for us
It is so simple they make it such big fun.
SO DON’T RUN!!
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