ETERNITY AND NIRVANA IS WITHIN YOU

(written earlier)
It’s been a long time since I’ve been somebody whom I can consider as true friend. At times I feel is it only me who is lonely??? So lonely that I don’t have anybody with whom I can talk to. It’s been nearly one and a half years since I stopped talking to my only friend left and to tell the truth, I feel awful now when I look back at it.

I regret the moments when I switched off my phone to avoid calls but now I feel more miserable when I finally found out that there’s nobody in this world left who’ll disturb me.

I am an emotionally independent person or should I say, I am evolved over the years as a new “me”, who is fencing his emotions because there is nobody to share it with. I’ve been lying to the world by saying I have tons of friends who’ll lay their lives for me on the stoke of my finger but the truth is I am lonely not “alone” but lonely. Lonely as a milestone, every passerby watch it and they know its there but at the end of the day, the milestone is there to stay, “lonely”.

This is the only reason why I turned towards writing my thoughts down on paper or online and by doing this I’m helping myself, saving my inner self from exploding by emotional overload. Now when I meet somebody they find me boring because I don’t speak much and I know silence is not a good thing in any relationship. But look at the irony of my life, I am used to be silent because it’s my only companion and others are friends of “words”, “speech” or I would say “talking”, which I have long forgotten.

When I am happy I celebrate it with myself and yes, the page on which I write and even when I am sad and devastated the companions remain the same. So, over the years I became more predictable than ever before. Whatever the situation, my reaction remain pretty much the same. Nothing affects me. And somehow I have learnt to live with silence, loneliness, solitude whatever you may like to call it, it’s my best friend for now and I think will remain.

Initially it was hard to adjust with but now I find it merrier than ever before. It helped me to spend more time with myself and do some “soul searching” and I believe it’s because of this I can say that I am a better and more noble person than most of the people in our society.

Dilemma, irony whatever my life is going through, I am happy with it. I am not confused anymore, when it comes to “how to live my life”, with or without friends… now my only concern is my carrier, the day I’m able to visualize it, there will be clear picture and I will be the happiest man on the face of this planet and yes, I still will be without friends but my companion will be there for me to celebrate it.

It made me good and kind human and it made me somewhat of a writer, a poet and I know it will take me somewhere none of us have ever been to.

War comes and goes but the soldier stay put, eternity is what we all are searching for. And when you’ll find eternity you will be alone, lonely yet happy with yourself. At that moment I will be one step ahead of the rest of the world because I am already happy with myself and somebody has rightly said “eternity and nirvana is within you”.